My Melody was born in the forest of Mari Land January 18th. My Melody lives with her mother, father, grandmother and her brother Rhythm. She is honest, good natured and her hobby is baking cookies with her mother. Her favourite food is almond pound cake, which she always share with her best friend Flat, a mouse.
My Melody has many friends other than Flat, example - Hello Kitty, Cinnamoroll, Batz-Maru, Chococat, Deery-Lou etc.
There are websites abut her, there are fun games to play together with other characters, news, collections and cute thing that people in love would buy.
I do collect some but not many as they are not cheap. I usually get them as presents as my parents think that it is too expensive.
Collecting My Melody is actually one of my best collections. I love My Melody!
Actually, you don't have to get the original one, it is cheaper.... Hehe =D This is Aloysius. I am Mr White
ReplyDeleteWhy is My Melody so special to you? What does she mean to you? :)
ReplyDeleteI am happy you know that collecting 'My Melody' toys is an expensive hobby-and yet you treasure those that you have. It shows you are a loving child and not imposing unnecessarily on your parents. (Sigh... I wish my son also learn this important value)
Lets look at two areas where you can improve... (I must say you are getting better! Well done)
- you can break up the statement: "My Melody has many friends other than Flat, example - Hello Kitty, Cinnamoroll, Batz-Maru, Chococat, Deery-Lou etc." into 2 parts. Let me use another example and see if you can apply.Joshua has many friends. In his school, he loves playing with Roan and Bryan and in his Sunday school, he enjoys learning with Joy Joy. (Get it?)
- Did you notice a repetition which made your sentence very awkward? ... "There are websites abut her, there are fun games to play together with other characters, news, collection..."
Do make an effort to check your work- both your blogs - and more importantly, your work in school ok! :)
Keep up the good work!
Hey... I got you a Melody present after searching high and low in Japan...!
ReplyDeleteFound something in this blog entry and I thought you could express it better in a more engaging manner. Remember the bullet point above about Melody's friends...
You can also write it like- You can start by "Other then her good friend Flat, My Melody also loves being with ....." Sometimes you just need to switch the order of words around and voila, it brings a whole new meaning to how you can express your ideas! :)