Miguel is my brother and he is only two and a half years old. He has been growing fast ever since he was born. He's very naughty at times and can even scare me. But of course not that he is really scary. He is the cutest, most handsome, most admiarable, cleverest, best singing voice and of course the best brother I've ever had!
Thinking back when he was a new born baby, he allowed me to feed him his milk. But now? You ask. A "No! Go away!" would be said but i'm fine with it i'll just teach him the right way and thats all. Forgive and forget thats what people always say.
He misses me when i'm at school but when i'm home, he runs away!
This is such a lovely post! Good start to improving our written English in terms of how we can express our thoughts, feelings.. and later, our imagination. Welcome on the journey of self-discovery.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing about this INTIMATE relationship with your brother. Definitely a pinch of sentiment feeling you have Miguel. (in fact, you have inspired me to encourage Joshua to blog about how he feels about his little sister- thank you!)
I would like you to read my comments and respond accordingly (and freely). Feel free to deepen your thoughts or even use this 'comment section' to do your 'Corrections' ... :)
- Do you know what the name 'Miguel' mean? Good to ask your parents and share it in this blog.
First paragraph:
- Am curious: why do you need to use 'only two and a half years old'?--> is it necessary?
- I am not very comfortable with "He has been growing fast ever since he was born"- maybe because I am taking it for granted... but don't all babies 'grow fast'? What is the point you are making?
- As this blog is an exercise to help improve our written English, I do encourage you to write in the formal language. Grammatically, please refrain from "He's" or "I've" when you are writing your essays. Good to write as "He is...", "I have"...
- Interesting point on the "scary" part... however, it will be good to explain why "scary" else you will leave your readers wondering... WHY?
- Spelling mistake- "Admiarable" What should be the correct spelling...
- Not "cleverest" but ________
Second paragraph:
- I think you can omit the "his" from "feed him his milk".
- (this may sound difficult, but good to learn) Instead of writing " A "No! Go away!" would be said, a better way to write it perhaps could be "An utterance of "No! Go away!" may sound rude but I have learnt to forgive him and would teach him the right manners."
- again.. "...and thats all" is not necessary.
- Note: "Forgive and forget thats what people always say." the proper punctuation- "Forgive and forget, that is what people always say."
- with regard to earlier sentence, I am keen to know what YOU say...
Last line:
- It is such a sweet and wonderful conclusion. Please note again that it should not be typed as "i'm" but with capital "I am"... careful with being too casual in your writing.
Nice job, Mel! I look forward to your next blog entry!
Miguel is my brother and he is two and a half years old. Miguel is a Spanish name which I picked from a television show I used to watch. In English when translated, it is Michael. He has been growing fast just like any other babies. He is very naughty and according to my parents, Miguel is naughtier than I was when I was a baby. Miguel scares me when I wake up late on Saturdays as he jumps on me giving me a fright. To me, Miguel is the cutest, most handsome, most admirable, smartest, best singing voice and of course the best brother I have ever had!
ReplyDeleteThinking back when he was a new born baby, he allowed me to feed him milk.But now? You ask. An utterance of "No! Go away!" may sound rude but I have learnt to forgive him and would teach him the right manners. Forgive and forget, that is what people always say.
He misses me when I am at school but when I am home, he runs away!
Well done my friend.
ReplyDeleteNo need to respond for this comment.
Couple more pointers...
1) Paragraph: It makes sense to break up the first paragraph into two or even three parts. I think it is appropriate to have the explanation of his English name as one paragraph by itself. With a new idea of how you feel about him as the key idea for the next paragraph. In composition writing, each paragraph should have one main idea and not too many ideas as a way to organise your writing.
2) Great work on the corrections(isn't it easier to just copy, paste then edit). Your line about why you love him so much is very personal. I like it. however, do note that when you describe what you think about him- cutest, smartest,,, I don't think the 'best singing voice' fits in with the rest.
Also, I am not sure if you meant most adorable OR really most admirable... :)
Keep up the good work!
I did leave spaces and had a paragraph while writing but it turned out in just one paragraph.
ReplyDelete